| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2008|06:23 pm] |
This is after a night in Zouk, where i seemingly ran into the whole world, and the whole world was in phuture. at 11.30 the dance floor was packed to the brim! O_O. Met Prof Zhu, Winfred, Gerbert, their PCME class(no idea what their names were), Donovan and his friends, ATO of BMTC Sch 1, and lastly, Jasmine whom we met in Dbl O.. hahah. Carlsberg! Ftw! |
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| Just one fine day, all alone in Ops Room.. |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|08:38 pm] |
It has been a long long while i took a book to read in its entirety, and the SDO brought along this book "Norwegian Wood" by Haruki Murakami. 2 hours of solitude, the radio playing softly and total immersion in a sad sad book, with heady feelings of youth.. I can understand some of the emotional undercurrents in the book - everyone has one of the blue days where all your emotions come in in a moment and when you stare out of a window into the clear blue sky and all your memories come back.. where what you love slips out of your grasp, and where sometimes death is all about you - in your mind, your family, and the sudden urge to run away.. all alone. and where you want to remember something in your past, something that impacted you really hard then, but now, its "like shadows lengthening at dusk... a hollow sound that echoes with each kick."
I always struggled with myself and this public image i have to put up - my good female friend once said that i was a "nice guy, but a geek." That crushed me - what i was was NOT right! She was being helpful and constructive, so kudos to her, but sometimes in the midst of change to be accepted, i feel that i am losing what makes me me - this bookworm and net boy. Totally unhealthy, but thats what i grew up as. and even then, i know some ppl wouldnt want to work or hang around me, and thats cos of my lack of? ability and personality.. its just makes me wonder - just what is wrong with me? all my life i have been struggling against this invisible web, that seems to just slow me down; a case of bad karma? everything goes wrong at the most inopportune moment. anything good that comes away just gets taken away painfully later.. as with the case last year. I fear for everything i have.. God? Stop kidding me.
Just let this single application work. Please. I cannot take any more of this. Please dont make me any more lonely than necessary... |
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| Updates? |
[Feb. 18th, 2008|04:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Bitter | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Way, Your Way feat. WISE - BoA | ] |
I am into R&B! ;D must be all that time in Phuture .. Just went to PartyRendezous on Sat at my friend's jioing - since hes in the organising committee, but the event itself was pretty tame. In short, beauty pageant with some performances interpersed in between.. but R4 SHOULD HAVE been the winner aahhh. Darn it. After that, the bunch of us from HQ went over to phuture.. man. i met quite a few ppl from BMTC. Erwin Shah, yo! Met Kiang Hon and Jason Soh too (He was there purportedly for DINNER, hmmm ;D) Harrison went and got us 2 Jugs of Long Island (ooray for 1-for-1).. Pee and I must have taken 3/4 of a jug together O_O .. Strangely enough it wasnt *as* crowded as Wednesday but still damn crowded.. Did i mention someone did a Merlion at 11pm?? SO DAMN EARLY, rofl. oh well enjoyed myself in the middle but had to leave real soon at 1am, since my mum was bugging me, ahah.
I had been thinking. Ever since i started to clean up my JC stuff, i felt i have become more and more of a stranger.. Ever since i enlisted, i cut a part of myself away and move on. When i come back to it - i find that the old me was too .. inadequate. Not enough of a bastard. Cannot live in this dog-eat-dog world. Everyone was just trying to fuck each other up, save for a small closed group of people you identified with. Army thought me that, and i have less and less tolerance for idiotic people. If you cannot push people down, they will crawl over your head. Hence my zero tolerance for my mum's antics. Just fucking sod off, geez. Everything went to the bastards - guys who act nice are left behind. In all arenas, you get me.
On a separate note, GOTTA LOVE bOA's new single, THE FACE. good beats yea! |
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| LOL, Hilarious Daphy, as usual. |
[Jan. 8th, 2008|12:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
OH YAH
dzaphy says:
I HATE
dzaphy says:
HATE HATE4 HATE4 HATE
dzaphy says:
not whine
dzaphy says:
just
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
and bore everyone to death
dzaphy says:
tell me what's going on can alr
dzaphy says:
plesae lah
dzaphy says:
DONT' TELL ME
dzaphy says:
ANYTHING TO DO WITH ARMY UNLESS I ASK
dzaphy says:
OMG
dzaphy says:
i can DIE la
dzaphy says:
i mean
dzaphy says:
which part of me looks intersted in army???
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
O_O
dzaphy says:
instead of asking me about my 2342454343 times more interesting life
dzaphy says:
tell ME about ARMY?
dzaphy says:
WTF?
dzaphy says:
as if i know
dzaphy says:
all the terms u are referring to
dzaphy says:
OMG
dzaphy says:
sorry
dzaphy says:
im nobt tlaking about you
dzaphy says:
u just hit a raw nerve
dzaphy says:
cos there's this particular guy who just keeps doing that
dzaphy says:
i mean
dzaphy says:
id on't even reply periodically
dzaphy says:
doesn't he GET IT?!
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
...
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
i did indeed, didnt i,
dzaphy says:
EH
dzaphy says:
no lah u didn't
dzaphy says:
i don't remember
dzaphy says:
=x
dzaphy says:
HAHAHAHHAHA
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
that is the *1st* time i saw you reply faster than 2 seconds with more than 2 sentences.
dzaphy says:
even if u did, that means u pale in comparison to him
dzaphy says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
dzaphy says:
LOL
dzaphy says:
no lah
dzaphy says:
im just
dzaphy says:
u know
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
TRULY AMAZING, MALAYSIA
dzaphy says:
AGITATED!!!
dzaphy says:
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
dzaphy says:
my god
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
Amaziinngg GRACE>>
dzaphy says:
i srsly do'nt need to knwo
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
I NEED TO PRINT SCREEN THIS
dzaphy says:
HOW MANY CLICKS U RAN THIS WEEK
dzaphy says:
or what happened
dzaphy says:
on this particular day
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
Daphy Saying SO MUCH .
dzaphy says:
during the run
dzaphy says:
etc.
dzaphy says:
-,-
dzaphy says:
hahahahahha
dzaphy says:
sorry
dzaphy says:
i mean
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
wow, that guy must have really pisssed u off
dzaphy says:
its just like
dzaphy says:
the right topic at the right time
dzaphy says:
so yeah
dzaphy says:
that's why
dzaphy says:
ARGH
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
imba
dzaphy says:
-nodnodnodnodnod-
dzaphy says:
terrible
dzaphy says:
i mean
dzaphy says:
it's like wat
dzaphy says:
how many months alr
dzaphy says:
god.
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
can i post this on the net
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
ooohh yeah regedit do something good to my comp says:
seriously, i am laughing like mad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|09:27 pm] |
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i just want a shoulder to weep on.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2007|07:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  infuriated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jEwel - Ayu | ] |
commissioning came and went. heh.. i even blocked out everything from my facebook account.. i still have to explain to so many friends that i am NOT an officer, goddamit.
Am i just running away? ..
I gave so much to the Service, and this is what I get back. I shake with anger everytime I am reminded of this.
Forgive and forget? .. Never. The pain may subside, but the anger will remain.
EDIT: Well, one friend of mine said this : Zuo Ren Hen Nan. I'm just saddened by the realities.. to be a bastard to be successful. I have seen people just ditching friends just to be less connected with them - it hurts their rep, u know. in fact my buddy told me that was a valid strategy! wtf man, damn it all! |
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| Now to the next frontier |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|11:21 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Uverworld - Energy | ] |
I never knew 38 weeks of hell would just... well turn into more hell. This is it then.
I always have this case of staring entrancingly at the forbidden fruit. New Posting tomorrow. Hell in heaven, heaven in hell. As always, the Ouroboros paradox.. how often we misguage situations based on the book covers.
11 more months to ORD. Then i can say, "Hell? Hell, Been there, done that." |
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| Its dark and lonely in here |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|11:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | UVERWORLD - Ukiyo Crossing (Single) | ] |
I have been reflecting and reflecting ...
so many things have gone wrong.. why? WHY? Most of the time i think its just me, then i think: not everything's wrong cos of me. it just cant be!
its times like this that i feel like just offing myself. You know, if you are just a piece of useless crap, then the world would just be better off w/o you, you know?
Then pride kicks in, and that they always say suicide is for cowards. I aint no coward, i take the bull by its horns!
Then i see so many many flaws with me, and i cant seem to right them.. all inbuilt after so many years.. is that it? Am i doomed for life?
Everyday after that day, i have been thinking. What if?
GOTTA LOVE the new UVERWORLD SINGLE esp: DISCORD ~your voices mix~ ;) ALRIGGHTT. i have to say that group really picks up my spirit. you go UVERWORLD! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2007|12:30 pm] |
What Beer Are You? |  | You are Guinness. You are brooding, bitter, and often in a dark, pensive mood. You are an intellectual and a dreamer, but your passion and emotions can sometimes get the better of you. | | Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com |
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| Only after i heard my mum's voice |
[Nov. 19th, 2007|11:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | NOTHING CAN DESCRIBE IT. | ] |
I thought i would not cry. But i did.
Now i am determined. Never again. I shall be strong. and prove to you all.
I shall not be trifled with.
I shall not throw any of my stuff away. This shall be the reminder. that Victors write history. I shall now always be the Victor. To the end. whatever the price.
The alternative is just too painful. |
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| As the date draws closer... |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|05:46 pm] |
1st up,Helicopter Emplaning and Deplaning (i.e. Boarding and Departure).. Well, after sitting in the Chinook, the Super Puma by comparison is definitely smaller, (I didnt have enough space for my field pack below my seat!) its still quite thrilling to run to the bird (slang for the copter) and board, feeling the thup-thup-thup of the rotor and feeling the downwash and watching the swirl of the dust ... i wonder if the golfers at Raffles Golf Course noticed us?
Ah well, that was fast. The Start of Pro Term has come to Jungle Confidence Course soon enough, and 2 days after National Day shall come the fateful day where i board the plane to Brunei. To me, this has gotta be the hardest exercise, compounded the fact that i have been chosen as an appointment holder (worse case scenario, EX Platoon Commander, which is damn tough, having to navigate in a TOTALLY unfamiliar environment and jaga comms with the Cadet Officer Commanding -- i hope i didnt piss off Nigel too much -- and make snap tactical decisions on the inevitable contacts) i hope to lead my men to victory and not get to our objective with mass casualties or worse, visit the Dutch village, known as Horland. :)
JCC -- Survivor phase... little food and time, wet, humid and dirty.. haix. PRESS ON, SOLDIER! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2007|10:48 pm] |
Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.
This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.
Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.
As mates, INTJs want harmony and order in the home and in relationships. They are the most independent of all types. They will trust their intuitions about others when making choices of friends and mates, even in the face of contradictory evidence and pressures applied by others. The emotions of an INTJ are hard to read, and neither male nor female INTJ is apt to express emotional reactions. At times, both will seem cold, reserved, and unresponsive, while in fact INTJs are almost hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those for whom they care. In social situations, INTJs may also be unresponsive and may neglect to observe small rituals designed to put others at their ease. For example, INTJs may communicate that time is wasted if used for idle dialogue, and thus people receive a sense of hurry from an INTJ which is not always intended. In their interpersonal relationships, INTJs are usually better in a working situation than in recreational situations. They do not enjoy physical contact except with a chosen few.
oh well this (and others) just prove everything about me.. i'm a great colleague but a so-so buddy .. and lets not move on to the aspect of a romantic partner. Referring to JuniorFatty's post on I-T- thinking, the whole problem is laid out bare. But what can i do about it? So many variables..
EDIT: To INTJs authority based on position, rank, title, or publication has absolutely no force. This type is not likely to succumb to the magic of slogans, watchwords, or shibboleths. If an idea or position makes sense to an INTJ, it will be adopted, if it doesn't, it won't, regardless of who took the position or generated the idea. As with the INTP, authority per se does not impress the INTJ.
INDEED. Yo Mum, are you reading this? |
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| To the end and beyond |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|08:43 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Miracle - Cascada | ] |
Stuff worse than 21-days OBS? .. Come join SAF's JCC (Jungle Confidence Course!) Survive on little food and alone outdoors in a foreign land for 9 days! :>... For the pride of the queen of the battlefield and the green beret!
ok i'm really not that optimistic but yeah. a few more final humps and obstacles and i'm through! Commissioning on 15 Dec, here i come!!
EDIT: wtf lol?? our Survival Kit includes 1 Condom each? i guess its for storing water, like the Scouts, i hope o_0 |
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| Service Term D+1 |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|07:07 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | SAFTI MI | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
I guess it will never be the same again.. Things always change, and the Army is no different. OCS 'D' 67/07 Service Term (translation: Officer Cadet School Delta Wing 67th Batch 2007) has come to an end, and for me, a conclusive end. Ipassed SOC on the last week of ST, and now all thats left to me are the overseas training assignments over 1/2 a year! whew...
Its just the 1st day, but i guess it would never be the same again. The Corridors are now so quiet, without the constant verbal sparring of our members. Some of our best funnymen have left for support arms, (Lloyd, James) and both Marks (Some of my best buddies) have left for signals.. YOU GUYS OWE ME A TREAT, SLACKER ppl. And of course so many have disrupted for medicine.. you guys are going back into CIVVIE life!! :P Think of us tramping around Brunei when u are sitting on your soft behind in the lecture halls and falling asleep.. Stand to the side! :X and Lastly, to my great pals, Yong Liang, Huan Ting, Kai Siong, all SPF SAF OS scholars, who would be going for OBS (-_-, lame la, 2km march in the jungle. we have done our 23km Graduation March! ow, my abrasions still sting :p) for their Pre-departure Course, and moving onto Overseas life (May you find a chio ang moh chick. hahahax) . May you have the time to come down on 15th Dec to Comission together and wear the no1 :p
"He who stands with me shall be my brother."
DELTA DELTA AWOO! |
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| I PASSED! PASSED! |
[Jun. 22nd, 2007|02:29 am] |
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WOOOOOOTT I'M INTo Professional Term!! HAHAHHA |
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| SOC NIUUUU~~~ |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|10:44 am] |
| [ | music |
| | These boots are made for walking – STUDIO APARTMENT IMPULSE GROOVE | ] |
no more support arms, and say hello to PRB ><
on the other hand, i only failed by 10 seconds. MOFO OMFG RUNSPRINTNOREST -> Passed!! arghhhhh12342104i349-0
on facebook, i'm just quite amused by the fact that on a group called "NS should be appreciated" has most members not belonging to NS, its just bull. Only people who have been through it should be qualified to talk. But i agree that NS should be kept. to me, the main reason is the brotherhood forged in the NS, (probably more relevant to the Combat Services), through the thick and thin. Nothing in the civilian life can provide that tough times. Its just amazing what sitting around in the dang forests, covered in mud, tired, shagged and just talking and chewing on rations can do for friendship. |
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| Now your soul may belong to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Marine Corps |
[Jun. 9th, 2007|08:24 am] |
I will not fail. I must overcome the pain and fatigue. I will pass SOC. I will conquer the wall and rope. I cannot believe that such inanimate objects (a 2m high wall ad a 2m long rope) can induce such strong feelings of hostility and frustration. Damn you all. FUCK you all.
I have went through
Leadership Field Camp: Navigating up and down Knolls up to 85 in height.
Section Field Camp: 7 days of absolute hell in mud, dirt and grime in Tekong.
Patrol Field Camp: 2 days of back to back missions
Platoon Field Camp: Platoon Battle Course, Attack (bashing through 1km of forests in FBO) and Defence (digging for 9 hours through the night up to chest height).
Route Marches
I WILL NOT FAIL AND LET YOU KICK ME OUT. |
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| i think its illegal to do this in camp |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|10:41 pm] |
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but i just gotta say ciao for 7 days in tekong. cya in 2 weeks. They burned my labour day... i'm booking out for SAT IIs otherwise i'm confined for 3 weeks. ggxx. |
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| rush OCS rush |
[Apr. 21st, 2007|11:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  field camp ZoMG!11! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cooking Master Boy - sorat (by chuuka ichiban) | ] |
well no one said OCS was gonna be easy but hey man its quite tough. Imagine you are in a 17/5 School in which you have to study as hard as you did in JC, + morning PT everyday (Delta Wing is xiong lar our PT is 2x everyone else. who else does 5BX in the morning before a field trip to signals? 1st day was a 3km run, next 2 dys were sets of 50 pushups and crunches and max rep pullups o_0) not to mention that we have to double from point to point .. sigh.
oh the other hand, live range was fun! the SAR21 is much improved for the Asian build and the scope makes it possible to blast targets at a much further distance. anndd.. shooting at night with night goggles is really quite cool. Some bobo shooter 2 lanes besides me shot a 5m spherical radius all around the target. hahah :X the NVG makes night firefights fun .. for once :X
12 hours for bookout! UWA! |
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lonelybrick's journal
apathetic